Imparting generosity to our children

by Kevin McCollum

Years ago, when our daughter was in preschool, my wife Michelle and I were shocked to witness her throw herself to the floor in tears over a shampoo she’d just seen advertised on TV. We weren’t willing to buy it, and the meltdown that followed made one thing clear. We had a battle on our hands, not to be fought against her, but for her.

Although the stories are unique, since coming to NCF two years ago, I’ve talked to many parents who, like us, were awakened to the sobering reality that our children are growing up in a world driven by consumerism, one that pours billions into shaping their desires and defining their priorities. In stark contrast, our God-given role as parents is to raise children who follow Him and love others generously. 

Collectively, we ask questions like this: How do we ensure our children grow up to be kind, generous, and mindful of the needs around them in a world filled with so many competing, and often unbiblical, messages?

The simple answer is that we can’t. At least, we can’t guarantee their generosity any more than we can guarantee our own.  And yet, we can turn to God and ask that He, through his mercy and goodness, turn their hearts to Him and joyfully meet the needs of others. And, we can provide instruction, affirmation and opportunity for them to grow in the grace of generosity.

Along with prayer and frequent times in God’s Word together, here are some key actions my wife Michelle and I have used as we’ve raised our children:

Model

We believe “values are caught, not taught,” that what we model for our children has a powerful impact. Our time, money, and belongings are never more valuable than when they’re used to bless others and shape our children to be more like Christ. I encourage you to be generous in ways they can see and understand: Freely lend your belongings to others; Take out your neighbor’s trash; Stop to help someone with car trouble; Take a meal to new parents. By doing these things, generosity will become a key component of your family’s culture and, by God’s grace, may buffer against self-focused accumulation.

Include

As we model actions of generosity for our children, we also include them in the process.  After a trip to Guatemala, we began praying through the possibility of adoption and gathered our kids to do the same. When the time came to decide, they were immediately invited to share their thoughts.

Our family has a fund we use to anonymously bless those around us. Michelle and I encourage our kids to bring needs they encounter to the family for prayerful consideration. Our kids love being privy to these secret gifts and find joy in blessing people anonymously.

Find ways to include your children in your current mission of generosity. The payoff will be worth the effort.

Share

In an age-appropriate way, begin sharing your stories with your kids. Our family has always enjoyed seeing and hearing stories of God’s generosity, both when we were on the receiving end and on the giving end. It’s fun to build a family culture of sharing stories. Michelle and I have precious memories of our kids asking us to tell them the story of the time when a stranger gave me a gift card at the grocery store, or for us to share with a friend how God provided for a ministry we served. The stories serve as examples of God’s grace in our lives and reminders of how we should show this grace to others. Another way to share is to learn about the lives of missionaries – reading biographies of the lives of George Muller, Adoniram Judson, and Amy Carmichael provided real-life illustrations of generosity to our family.

Contrast

Build a culture of generosity outside the home to help soften your children’s hearts inside the home. Despite our family serving on family mission trips and helping people in our own communities, Michelle and I often witnessed our kids showing reluctance to serve one another in our own home. For some reason kids are often more eager to share their belongings with a stranger than with their own siblings! When we pointed out this contrast, we saw our children wrestle with how their hearts were aligned and how they reacted in different contexts. Our children were required to share their space, time, and possessions with one another, which gave them plenty of opportunities to put their generosity (or lack thereof) on display!

Imparting generosity to your children is a marathon, not a sprint, and it requires parents to first look at their own path before steadily bringing children along the way. It’s a journey marked by selfless living, and, by God’s grace, joy is a natural outcome. With intentional instruction, and God’s intervention, we pray that our children joyfully bless others in His name and see God’s glory on full display.

Connect with our NCF Heartland teamopens in a new tab to explore how your family can take part in your Giving Strategy™.