7 ways to help those who are hurting during the holidays

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The popular Christmas carol may ring true for some, but for others, the holidays feel like a burden made even heavier by everyone insisting on seeing only joy and cheer. Paul instructs Christians to carry each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). How can we do this and why is it especially important during the holiday season?

As Christ loved us

In the gospel of John, Jesus gives us a new commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you.” What makes this commandment so profound is the way Jesus loved.

The parable of the good Samaritan. The lepers. Lazarus’ grieving family. Throughout his ministry on earth, Jesus highlighted the importance of not only noticing those who are hurting but also helping to carry their burdens. It’s a gift he generously offers to us as well (“Take my yoke upon you … and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29).

One of the defining characteristics of the Christmas season is generosity. God generously giving his son. The gifts of the wise men. The packages under the tree. Part of generous living is loving one another as Jesus has loved us, and that means looking for opportunities to carry one another’s burdens in the same way he promises to carry ours.

What can we do when someone we know is hurting during the holidays? What can we say to a neighbor who lost a job? To a terminally sick mother? To a grieving friend?

When the burden is too heavy, it’s tempting to look the other way, thinking there’s nothing we can do to help. But God has given us so much to be generous with, and some of our deepest wells of generosity are arguably not tangible or monetary at all.

Carrying another’s burden doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t require solving the problem. In fact, it’s often best if you don’t try to solve anything. All it takes is seeing, noticing, loving, caring – just like Jesus did.

How can you help carry someone’s burden?

1. Sit in silence. The Bible tells us that when Job’s three friends (though not perfect) saw how intense their friend’s suffering was, they sat in silence with him for seven days. Many times, in the wake of tragedy, words are neither necessary nor sufficient, but your presence is. Silence may be uncomfortable for you, but for those who are suffering, it can be the only bearable sound.
2. Understand the burden. Before beginning his ministry, a young Jesus intentionally sought information from seasoned religious leaders. He understood the people he would be teaching, the struggles they met each day. In the same way, part of empathy, of helping to bear a burden, is educating yourself. Instead of relying on the one with the burden to explain why it is so heavy, seek out information beforehand, and bring to the sacred space of suffering the gift of understanding.
3. Don’t fix or explain. The gift of understanding can become a burden if you try to fix or explain someone’s situation to them. Understanding can help you ask the right questions, but remember, each person’s story is their own. You’ll only be able to understand so much. But they understand the nuances better than anyone else. Sometimes, they don’t need solutions; they just need a friend who understands.
4. Be a good listener. From Proverbs to the Gospels to James, the Bible repeatedly highlights the power of listening well. Throughout his ministry, Jesus not only listened to what people said, but also to attitudes and emotions. Sometimes, that kind of genuine listening – listening for the purpose of connecting on a soul level – is all that’s needed. When we are hurting, the simple exercise of putting our pain into words is incredibly healing. Offer space for that by being a good listener.
5. Attend the hard stuff. The days and months after a loss or life-changing diagnosis come with more impossible days and tasks than any of us are prepared for. The first holiday after a divorce. Taking a death certificate to update bank accounts. Hours-long chemo treatments. Offer to accompany a friend or loved one on these difficult days. As impossible as these challenges are, not having to do them alone can make them more bearable.
6. Don’t ask, do. Grief and loss can be all-consuming. When you ask a friend dealing with life-altering circumstances, “Do you need anything?” they may not be able to answer – even though the dirty dishes are overflowing, they’re out of toilet paper, and they’re wearing the same stained sweatshirt they were wearing last week. Instead of waiting for them to tell you what they need, observe and act. Drop essentials on their porch. Offer to help a friend who has lost a job purchase Christmas or birthday gifts. If you know them well, stop by to wash dishes and do the laundry. Bring a meal and actually plate it for them.
7. Remember. One of the heaviest burdens we carry is the burden of remembrance – of the joyful times as well as the sorrowful. Whether the burden is fresh or decades old, holidays can be heavy with memories, making sorrow as sharp as ever. Simply sending a text each year – “Thinking of you and remembering (name) especially today.” – lets someone know they are not alone in their continued grief; they are not alone in remembering their loved one.

These tips are not only for the holiday season. Carrying one another’s burdens can be a long process. It’s easy to remember in the first week or month, but these events ripple throughout a lifetime. Because of the compassion and comfort we continually receive from God, Christians should be uniquely capable of providing long-term comfort and care.

This Christmas, our brothers and sisters in Christ are struggling with mental health, addiction, loss, trauma, and all the other heartaches that come from living in a fallen world. Choosing to walk alongside one another, to carry one another’s burdens all the way to the end of the road, is one of the most generous things we can do.

Lauren Street

Lauren serves NCF as a marketing and editorial writer and helps curate content for Saturday 7. She has a passion for people’s stories, researching causes, and (as a mother of three young children) raising the next generation to be Christlike stewards.

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