Being a caregiver for my husband, Blaine, as he battled cancer brought many challenges but also many learnings. It’s a job I didn’t choose or want. It’s a job I felt unqualified for and inadequate in. But, it’s a job I humbly and willingly served in as I loved, and still love, this man with all my heart.
Balancing being a caregiver and a working professional wasn’t easy, but I love how God used both to teach me! I’d like to share three lessons in generosity that this cancer journey reinforced for me.
The purest forms of generosity are rooted in love
I love what Amy Carmichael said: “One can give without loving, but one cannot love without giving.” The role of a caregiver is constant giving, hence the name. You give care. But I quickly learned there’s a difference between giving as a job or obligation and giving because the man I love is in need of care.
When I gave out of obligation, I was quick to be resentful and kept tabs on when it would be my turn to be pampered or taken care of. Not something I’m proud of, but when it wasn’t coming from my heart, that’s what it felt like. However, when I stepped back and saw the man I love and not the cancer or the needs it created, that changed everything. When I focused on the love I had for Blaine, the caregiving was easy – not necessarily the weight of it, but the heart of it. It became the thing I couldn’t not do.
And, isn’t that a great definition of generosity rooted in love – the thing you can’t not do for someone else or others? For Christ’s love compels us … (2 Corinthians 5:14).
Giving to causes is a powerful way to have a lasting impact
When it comes to my personal monetary giving, I tend to like direct, personal, and immediate impact. In my role at the National Christian Foundation (NCF), however, I get to be a part of some really cool, big-picture initiatives focused on impacting a certain cause. By looking at the cause as a whole, there are more opportunities to consider strategic gifts that can bring more impact within the overall cause and effect more change.
Up until now, I never really had much of an appreciation for cancer research and didn’t understand why all the races, fundraisers, etc. I didn’t know why raising money for the bigger cause of curing cancer mattered. But I do now.
Blaine benefitted from those who have gone before him, those who understand and value the need for ongoing research and innovation in treating this invasive disease. Those who have given to the cause of curing cancer have paved the way for new surgeries like my husband had, which brought him to a cancer-free state for a time. That was pretty cool.
Don’t get me wrong: This is not an either-or learning. This is a both-and learning. We need compassionate hearts offering direct and immediate impact to care for those in need. And we need hearts that will dare to dream about “no more” of what we fight against and of making lasting impact within a cause.
The truth is, we have nothing to give without first receiving it from God.
Being a good receiver blesses the giver
This last learning comes with a bit of an ouch, as it’s something God has been working on with me for 20 years. Early on in my time with NCF, after being so inspired by the generous givers we serve, I told God I want to be a generous giver. And while his response to me was gentle, it was firm. I had to learn to be a good receiver if I wanted to be a generous giver.
The truth is we have nothing to give without first receiving it from God. Over the years I’ve gotten better at receiving, but I definitely haven’t mastered it. The cancer journey Blaine and I went through made that glaringly obvious.
We were so blessed to have so many people who love us pray for us and want to support us in the battle. But I found that, too often, my answer was, “I’m fine,” when asked if I needed anything or if there was anything they could do. Let’s be honest here and call that what it is – pride. I wanted to be the martyr and prove I could do it myself. I didn’t want to be in need, and I didn’t want our reality to be our reality.
But here’s the thing. When I let my guard down and let others love, pray for, and support us, it blessed them as much as it blessed me. My friend drove that point home recently when I finally said yes to her offer of help. She said, “It blesses me so much that you said yes!”
When we give, we get to experience God’s love and transformation, and when we receive, we get to experience God’s love and transformation!
I don’t know that these learnings are new, but as I live in this new season, I see these truths from a different perspective than I did before. It reminds me that when it comes to generosity, it’s not a point of arrival but a journey that we can grow and evolve in. Blessings to you on your generosity journey!
