Families may long to communicate more deeply, but they don’t always know where to start. While family meetings are a powerful tool, they can feel awkward and overwhelming. But what if you had a few practical ways to help your family gather with purpose, share with love, and grow in confidence?
After thousands of conversations with individuals, couples, and families, John Putnam, author, speaker, and strategic stewardship coach, has seen firsthand how good communication helps foster thriving relationships and how poor communication undermines even the best of plans.
John views family meetings as an invaluable tool for achieving the desired result of family unity, peace, and alignment. With this as his foundation, John has identified five pillars that can help you have an effective – and even fun – family meeting.
Pillar 1: Inspiration
We start with God’s greater story. This pillar is all about bringing God’s truth and wisdom into the family conversation and aligning your meeting plans with his greater plans.
So often, we make a plan and carry it out, never stopping to check if and how it aligns with God’s plan. Then, when our plans go awry, we ask God to step in and fix it, not realizing how misaligned we may have been starting out. That’s why John believes it is crucial to ground your meeting in biblical truth.
“You need God’s wisdom,” he says. “You want to anchor any family endeavor in Scripture, in his truth.”
Family meetings are most often about one of these common topics, Johns says:
- Family unity and harmony
- Financial stewardship
- Wealth transition
- Vision, mission, and values
- Spiritual growth
- Giving strategy
- Family business succession
Scripture has plenty to say about these, and NCF’s 10 principles of biblical generosity is a great way to discover some of God’s teachings about giving, wealth, and stewardship.
God loves families, and when you spend time in prayer and God’s Word aligning your topic and your goals with God’s greater story, you enter every interaction with a beautiful spiritual posture.
Pillar 2: Education
Basic knowledge and skills regarding any topic, but especially finances and giving, are crucial in reaching your desired outcome. “When a family member leaves a meeting knowing a little more than when they came in, they’re going to feel more equipped and more confident,” John says.
This pillar involves determining the information and resources you’ll provide to help your family members understand various aspects of your topic. For example, if your topic is trusts, estate, and wealth transfer, but the family lacks basic financial literacy, you’re going to lose them.
You have the opportunity through education to transform the way your family learns and grows. Find resources on your topic, like books, articles, videos, songs, and podcasts. One of John’s recommended resources about giving and generosity is The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn.
With differing levels of expertise and experience, each family member can be empowered with knowledge to become more effective in your family’s journey.
Pillar 3: Conversation
It’s easy to talk, but talking is very different from conversing. To foster clear, open communication, John believes it’s important to listen and create an atmosphere where every family member is encouraged to have and share their voice. Think about who will be in the room. Is there a family member who tends to dominate the conversation? Is there someone who typically stays quiet? How can you model good communication skills?
“This is about listening and supporting one another and letting each family member know their voice is important,” John says, “and not being quick to judge or dismiss each other’s perspective.”
John suggests structuring meetings to ensure everyone has a chance to contribute. This might involve activities like asking each person to share a recent blessing or prayer request. John has also found the discovery exercises in NCF’s Giving Strategy™ Causes & Passions Guide to be useful tools for getting every family member involved in discussions about generosity.
Good communication skills to practice are: active listening which involves eye contact, putting phones away, and asking clarifying questions; paying attention to nonverbal cues – your own and others’; and using “I” statements to minimize activating defensiveness like, “Am I being clear?” instead of “Do you understand?”
A rich conversation, where everyone has the opportunity to participate, lays a strong foundation in any family meeting.
Pillar 4: Motivation
No meeting is productive without clear, actionable next steps. Think through what you want your family members to do, what action you hope they will take as a result of your time together, and plan how you will motivate them to do just that.
“It’s nice to have some next steps or action items coming out of a meeting,” John says. “Everyone needs a responsibility that keeps them engaged.” These action items could be as simple as committing to pray for specific causes or researching a charity of interest. One good practice at the end of every meeting is to have each person say one action they will take as a result of their time together.
By having clear, achievable next steps, your family can maintain momentum between meetings and see tangible progress in your efforts. And, as John likes to remind everyone, the first goal of every family meeting is to have the next family meeting.
Pillar 5: Operation
John puts this last for a reason. He says most people start with – and get stuck in – the practical considerations of a meeting, like choosing an appropriate time and location, planning the agenda, securing childcare if necessary, and ensuring everyone is informed about the purpose of the gathering. These steps are very important, but they aren’t the meeting. They are the operation of the meeting.
Once you think through the first four pillars, you’ll have a much better idea of how to structure your meeting. Maybe you need to invite your financial advisor, attorney, or CPA. Or maybe you initiated the meeting and have an idea of the goal, but you don’t want to be the one to plan it or lead it, so you may want to bring in an outside facilitator.
At its core, a family meeting is simply a family conversation about a family topic. Here is a simple format you can follow again and again:
- Welcome
- Prayer and devotional (assigned in advance)
- Sharing of a recent “win” or blessing
- Introduction of your topic
- Discussion
- Summary
- Next steps or takeaways
- Prayer requests for family prayer list (note taker assigned in advance)
- Prayer, including new family prayer requests
- A BIG “thank you” and “Let’s do it again!”
As for locations, there are times when a formal meeting room or retreat experience is the right format, but most family meetings can happen in a living room, around a dining table, or even over a video call. When it’s appropriate, have fun with the logistics of your meeting to make it an environment where everyone feels welcome, seen, and heard.
You can do this!
John’s mission in teaching this to families is to take the intimidation factor out of the family meeting. He says these pillars are steps you have already taken; he’s just encouraging intentionality.
“You’ve prayed with your family. You’ve read Scripture with your family. You’ve had a serious conversation about a topic. You’ve probably watched a video and talked about it. You’ve told a story from your childhood with a moral lesson,” John says. “You’ve done this with your family casually, naturally, dozens, hundreds, thousands of times. All we’re doing now is connecting those skills with a little more intentionality.”
John recommends NCF’s Giving Strategy™ lessons as the “easy button” for any family meeting. From there, you can also start a conversation with your local NCF team, who can walk with you in planning the best meeting and providing generosity resources for your family.
“Whether you’re a parent, grandparent, adult child, or young family member, you can be a catalyst for your family’s pursuit of wise and faithful stewardship,” John says. “With patience and a willingness to listen, love, and understand one another, you can nurture a thriving spirit in your family that bears fruit for years to come.”
Connect with your NCF team for more help with planning an impactful family meeting.
John Putnam is a strategic stewardship coach to those navigating the unique opportunities and challenges of wealth and success. Through John Putnam & Company, he provides private coaching and workshops that leverage his decades of experience in business, advisory, and ministry roles to help faithful givers make wise and faithful stewardship journeys a reality.
