For more than 30 years, I’ve sat across the table from families wrestling with one of life’s biggest questions: What does it really mean to leave an inheritance? Most people think of wealth – dollars, businesses, property. But if we stop there, we miss the heart of the matter.
True inheritance is about faithful stewardship of all God has entrusted to us – not just wealth, but also our values, relationships, and calling.
Developing this type of intentional inheritance begins with what I call the “root work.” Over the years, I’ve found that three questions form the foundation. These questions encourage every family member – whether they’re preparing to leave an inheritance or receive one – to wrestle with who God has called them to be.
Question #1: Who am I?
Our attitudes and actions toward wealth are deeply shaped by how we see ourselves. For years, my own identity became tangled up in my career. As a young lawyer, I helped build three thriving companies. I was a wife, a mom, a ministry leader. I was busy doing good things, but deep down, I lacked peace.
One morning, when I could no longer stand the noise, I cried out to God. And I heard him say, “Jeanne, your career has become your identity, your security, and the author of your days. I alone earned the right to be all of those things in your life.”
I had been writing my own story instead of letting God hold the pen. Within days, I gave back my shares in the companies I’d helped build and asked the Lord to redirect my life. That decision didn’t just change my career and identity; it changed how I think about inheritance.
When I shifted my identity from what I was doing in the world to who I am in Christ, I realized wealth is not the hero (or the villain) of my story. Jesus is the hero of my story. Wealth is simply fuel for the story he is writing.
While wrestling with this age-old question of identity, I encourage you to ask God what he wants you to know about your truest identity. Write down a few things you have come to believe about yourself, whether from life experiences or outside voices – parents, friends, bosses, or children. Then, dive into Scripture. Compare these beliefs with God’s truth. Replace false identities with his promises.
Question #2: Who am I in this family?
Once we know who we are, it’s important to understand how we fit into our family. What’s our specific role? So many tensions in wealthy families come from unspoken assumptions about who is supposed to lead, who is just an heir, and who decides what.
But healthy families recognize that roles are not rigid. They are flexible, and they must be rooted in identity.
One of my favorite examples comes from my peer and friend, Claiborne Haw, Family Legacy Advisor at Blue Trust, who is a fourth-generation member of a family business. Claiborne wrestled with her role in her family until a mentor helped her identify three roles, specific to her unique identity, that brought clarity and peace:
- Legacy collector: uncovering her family’s history, blessings, and lessons
- Family glue: fostering connection, including starting a weekly family prayer call
- Innovation lead: introducing fresh ideas for the future
These weren’t official titles. But they gave her purpose, and they illustrate an important truth: When every family member has a meaningful role, everyone is heard, valued, and able to contribute.
Family roles are as diverse and numerous as families themselves. Answering this question often takes a group effort. Use your next family meeting for more than just a financial update. Talk about family values, stories, and shared history. Discuss the unique structure and needs of your family, as well as the unique strengths and skills of each member.
It’s important for everyone to have a voice at the table. Each person is invited and encouraged to contribute their individual passion to the shared family responsibilities.
Question #3: How will I be a Gen 1?
Even if you’re second, third, or fourth generation in a family of wealth, you can still be a Gen 1 – the first to create a new kind of legacy. For Claiborne, that meant deciding to be a Gen 1 in “spiritual inheritance,” building a legacy of faith and character that would outlast any financial inheritance.
Her inspiration came from her great-grandfather, Charles Samuel Luck Jr., or “Pop-Pop.” In 1919, Charles was just 21 years old and the middle of five siblings in a Virginia family that owned a road construction business. His older brothers inherited the company, leaving Charles to figure out his future himself. He could have seen himself as the slighted son. Instead, he asked three questions: Who am I? Who am I in this family? What can I be Gen 1 of?
He decided he would complement his brothers instead of competing with them. Charles launched a stone quarrying business that became his brothers’ largest supplier. Over the decades, his company has grown into a 100-year-old enterprise. Claiborne often says each 30-foot tier of that quarry represents another generation benefiting from his decision to pioneer instead of retreat.
This is the great hope of intentional inheritance: Every generation can be a pioneer. Some may be Gen 1 in business, education, or philanthropy. Others may be Gen 1 in faith, forgiveness, or reconciliation. Ask God where he is calling you to create impact, and don’t be afraid to lay a new foundation for generations to come.
Putting the pen in God’s hand
When I surrendered my identity to God and allowed him to be the author of my days, it wasn’t once and for all. I regularly find myself having to put the pen back in God’s hand and feel the peace and security of knowing he is writing this story, not me.
At the end of the day, inheritance is not just about passing down wealth; it’s about passing down identity, belonging, and purpose. It’s about reorienting yourself around God’s unique calling for your life. Because when you put the pen back in God’s hand, he will write a story far greater than wealth – a story that will outlast you and continue in generations to come.
